BREAKING: Bill Clinton Found Dead In His Rocking Chair


A beautiful summer day in upstate New York was interrupted today by the passing of an American President. William Jefferson Clinton, Democrat, sex offender, adulterer and the second most corrupt person ever to hold the Oval Office, died at 72, a glass of lemonade in his hand and a paper with a story about yet another person he killed on his lap.

The Westchester County Coroner’s office has been tasked with the removal of the body but due to an employee influenza outbreak, a neighboring county coroner is being dispatched. According to Sheriff Chuck Denerian’s office:

“President Clinton is currently on his front porch, out of view of the public and covered. His remains will be guarded by two deputies at all times until the coroner gets here, which we hope will be sometime by Sunday morning so we can all go to church.”

Such a fitting end to such an illustrious career. Dozens of women probably feel safer. Who knows how many people will now be able to come out of the shadows and tell their stories.

The Clinton family has asked for privacy in this difficult time. Thoughts and prayers and donations to the Clinton Foundation can be sent instead to the Hillary Clinton Defense Fund. Bill would have wanted it that way.

The national media is waiting for the coroner to announce so they don’t get called “fake news.”




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